Are you looking for a way to improve your personal and professional relationships, enhance your creativity and productivity, and live a more authentic and fulfilling life? If so, you might want to check out the book A Way of Being by Carl R. Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century.

In this book, Rogers shares his insights and experiences on how to develop a way of being that is congruent with your true self, values, and goals. He also explains how to apply his humanistic approach to various fields and contexts, such as education, therapy, social work, and leadership. You will learn how to cultivate a genuine, empathic, and accepting attitude towards yourself and others, and how to foster a climate of growth and change in any situation.

A Way of Being is a classic work that reflects Rogers’s lifelong passion and wisdom. It is a must-read for anyone who wants to discover their potential and live more fully. To learn more about this book and its author, visit selfology.co, a website dedicated to helping you explore and express your true self. You can also find more resources and information on ology.land, a platform that connects you with other like-minded people who share your interests and passions.

In this blog post, we will highlight some of the key ideas and concepts from A Way of Being that can help you live authentically and happily. We will also provide some practical tips and exercises that you can use to apply these ideas to your own life.

The Nature of the Self

One of the core concepts that Rogers explores in A Way of Being is the nature of the self. He defines the self as “the organized, consistent conceptual gestalt composed of perceptions of the characteristics of ‘I’ or ‘me’ and the perceptions of the relationships of the ‘I’ or ‘me’ to others and to various aspects of life, together with the values attached to these perceptions” (p. 139).

In other words, the self is how you see yourself, how you relate to others and the world, and what you value and care about. The self is not fixed or static, but rather dynamic and evolving. It is influenced by your experiences, feedback, and environment, as well as by your innate tendencies and potentials.

Rogers believes that the self has two aspects: the real self and the ideal self. The real self is who you actually are, with all your strengths, weaknesses, feelings, and thoughts. The ideal self is who you would like to be, or who you think you should be, based on your standards, expectations, and aspirations.

The degree of congruence or incongruence between the real self and the ideal self determines how you feel about yourself and your life. If there is a high degree of congruence, you will feel more authentic, confident, and satisfied. If there is a low degree of congruence, you will feel more alienated, anxious, and frustrated.

The Conditions of Worth

One of the factors that can create incongruence between the real self and the ideal self is the presence of conditions of worth. These are the requirements or expectations that you or others impose on yourself in order to be worthy of love, acceptance, or approval. For example, you may believe that you have to be smart, successful, or attractive in order to be valued or respected.

Conditions of worth can distort your self-perception and self-expression. They can make you ignore or deny your true feelings, needs, and preferences, and adopt those that are more acceptable or desirable to others. They can also make you judge yourself harshly and negatively, and feel guilty or ashamed of who you are.

Rogers argues that conditions of worth are detrimental to your psychological well-being and growth. They prevent you from being yourself and from realizing your full potential. They also interfere with your ability to form healthy and satisfying relationships with others, as you may fear rejection, criticism, or abandonment if you reveal your true self.

The Unconditional Positive Regard

The antidote to conditions of worth is unconditional positive regard. This is the attitude of accepting and valuing yourself and others without any strings attached. It means that you respect and appreciate yourself and others for who they are, not for what they do or how they conform to certain standards or expectations.

Unconditional positive regard is essential for developing a congruent and authentic self. It allows you to be honest and open with yourself and others, and to express your feelings, needs, and preferences without fear or guilt. It also allows you to explore and experiment with different aspects of yourself, and to discover and develop your unique potentials and talents.

Rogers believes that unconditional positive regard is a natural and innate tendency that we all have, but that it can be blocked or distorted by external or internal factors. He suggests that one of the ways to cultivate unconditional positive regard is to receive it from others, especially from significant people in our lives, such as parents, teachers, friends, or therapists.

He also suggests that another way to cultivate unconditional positive regard is to practice it towards ourselves and others. He proposes that we can do this by:

• Being empathic: trying to understand and appreciate the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of ourselves and others, without judging or evaluating them.
• Being congruent: being consistent and transparent with ourselves and others, without hiding or pretending anything.
• Being supportive: being encouraging and helpful to ourselves and others, without imposing or controlling anything.

The Process of Change

Another key concept that Rogers explores in A Way of Being is the process of change. He views change as a natural and inevitable phenomenon that occurs throughout our lives, as we encounter new situations, challenges, and opportunities. He also views change as a positive and desirable phenomenon that leads to growth, development, and fulfillment.

Rogers identifies three main stages or phases in the process of change:

[1] The stage of unawareness

This is when you are not aware of the need or possibility of change, or when you are resistant or defensive to change. You may be comfortable or complacent with the status quo, or you may be fearful or doubtful of change. You may also be unaware of your true feelings, needs, and preferences, or you may deny or rationalize them.

[2] The stage of exploration

This is when you become aware of the need or possibility of change, and when you start to explore and experiment with change. You may experience curiosity, interest, or excitement about change, or you may experience anxiety, confusion, or ambivalence about change. You may also become more aware of your true feelings, needs, and preferences, or you may experience conflict or confusion about them.

[4] The stage of integration

This is when you embrace and implement change, and when you experience the benefits and outcomes of change. You may experience satisfaction, joy, or gratitude for change, or you may experience relief, acceptance, or peace for change. You may also become more congruent and authentic with your true feelings, needs, and preferences, or you may experience harmony or alignment with them.

Rogers emphasizes that the process of change is not linear or sequential, but rather circular or spiral. You may move back and forth between the stages, or you may experience more than one stage at the same time. You may also encounter different levels or degrees of change, depending on the situation and the context.

Rogers also emphasizes that the process of change is not passive or automatic, but rather active and intentional. You have to be willing and ready to change, and you have to take action and responsibility for change. You also have to be flexible and adaptable to change, and you have to cope and adjust to change.

The Facilitation of Change

One of the main goals of Rogers in A Way of Being is to facilitate change in himself and others. He believes that change can be facilitated by creating and maintaining a certain type of relationship or environment that supports and encourages change. He calls this type of relationship or environment a person-centered or client-centered approach.

A person-centered or client-centered approach is based on the following principles:

• The person is the expert and the agent of change. The person knows best what they want and need, and what works and doesn’t work for them. The person also has the capacity and the responsibility to initiate and sustain change.
• The facilitator is the helper and the companion of change. The facilitator does not tell, direct, or advise the person what to do or how to change. The facilitator also does not evaluate, diagnose, or label the person. The facilitator simply listens, understands, and supports the person in their process of change.
• The relationship is the context and the catalyst of change. The relationship is not a means or a tool of change, but rather an end and a goal of change. The relationship is also not a static or fixed entity, but rather a dynamic and evolving process. The relationship is characterized by empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard.

Rogers applies the person-centered or client-centered approach to various fields and contexts, such as education, therapy, social work, and leadership. He demonstrates how the person-centered or client-centered approach can enhance the learning, healing, empowerment, and transformation of individuals, groups, and organizations.

Practical Tips and Exercises

Here are some possible tips and exercises for writing a self-reflection based on A Way of Being by Carl R. Rogers:  These tips and exercises are designed to help you develop a way of being that is congruent and authentic, and to facilitate change in yourself and others.

Write a self-reflection

• Set aside some time and space for yourself, where you can be alone, comfortable, and undisturbed. You may want to use a journal, a notebook, or a computer to write down your thoughts and feelings.
• Start by writing down your name, the date, and the purpose of your self-reflection. For example, you may write: “My name is John, today is November 6, 2023, and I am writing this self-reflection to learn more about myself and my way of being.”
• Next, write down a question or a topic that you want to explore or understand better about yourself. For example, you may write: “What are my values and how do they influence my decisions and actions?” or “How do I feel about myself and my life right now?” or “What are some of the changes that I want or need to make in my life?”
• Then, write down your honest and spontaneous answer or response to the question or topic, without censoring or editing yourself. Try to write from your heart, not from your head. Use the first-person pronoun “I” and the present tense. For example, you may write: “My values are honesty, kindness, and creativity. They influence my decisions and actions by making me choose what is true, helpful, and original. Sometimes, I find it hard to live up to my values, especially when I face pressure, conflict, or uncertainty.” or “I feel happy and grateful for my life right now. I have a loving family, a fulfilling job, and a supportive community. I also feel proud of myself for overcoming some of the challenges and difficulties that I faced in the past.” or “Some of the changes that I want or need to make in my life are to exercise more, to spend more time with my friends, and to learn a new skill.”
• After writing your answer or response, read it aloud to yourself, or to someone you trust, if you feel comfortable. Pay attention to how you feel and what you think as you read your answer or response. Notice any emotions, sensations, or thoughts that arise in you. For example, you may feel happy, sad, angry, or calm. You may also feel tense, relaxed, or energized. You may also think of some memories, associations, or insights related to your answer or response.
• Write down a reflection or a feedback on your answer or response, based on what you felt and thought as you read it. Try to be empathic, congruent, and supportive towards yourself, as if you were talking to a friend. For example, you may write: “I feel good about my answer. I think it reflects my true values and how they guide me in my life. I also feel some regret and guilt for not always living up to my values. I wonder how I can be more consistent and authentic with my values.” or “I feel happy and grateful for my answer. I think it shows how much I appreciate and enjoy my life. I also feel some fear and anxiety for the future. I wonder how I can cope and adapt to the changes and uncertainties that may come.” or “I feel motivated and curious about my answer. I think it reveals some of the areas that I want or need to improve or change in my life. I also feel some doubt and hesitation about how to make these changes. I wonder how I can plan and implement these changes effectively and efficiently.”
• End your self-reflection by writing down a summary or a conclusion of what you learned or gained from your self-reflection. You may also write down some action steps or goals that you want to take or achieve based on your self-reflection. For example, you may write: “In summary, I learned that my values are honesty, kindness, and creativity, and that they influence my decisions and actions. I also learned that I sometimes struggle to live up to my values, and that I need to be more consistent and authentic with them. My action steps are to practice being more honest, kind, and creative in my daily life, and to seek feedback and support from others who share my values.” or “In conclusion, I gained a sense of happiness and gratitude for my life, and a sense of fear and anxiety for the future. I also gained a sense of pride and accomplishment for overcoming some of the challenges and difficulties that I faced in the past. My goals are to continue to appreciate and enjoy my life, and to cope and adapt to the changes and uncertainties that may come. My action steps are to express my gratitude and joy to myself and others, and to seek help and guidance from others who have gone through similar experiences.” or “In summary, I discovered some of the changes that I want or need to make in my life, such as exercising more, spending more time with my friends, and learning a new skill. I also discovered some of the doubts and hesitations that I have about how to make these changes. My goals are to improve my health, happiness, and skills by making these changes. My action steps are to create a realistic and flexible schedule for exercising, socializing, and learning, and to monitor and evaluate my progress and results.”

We hope that these tips and exercises will help you write a meaningful and insightful self-reflection based on A Way of Being by Carl R. Rogers. We encourage you to practice self-reflection regularly, as it can help you develop a way of being that is congruent and authentic, and to facilitate change in yourself and others. Thank you for reading this blog post, and we wish you all the best in your journey of self-discovery and self-actualization.